OWN IT!

 

own it

Recently on a podcast about the Enneagram, I heard an acronym for OWN UP.  After it sticking with me for a few days I thought about how my clients could use something similar for the things we talk a lot about:  gaining awareness of our feelings, and “riding them out” until the intense emotions morph into something more bearable.  So perhaps this can be a helpful reminder:

OWN IT!

Observe–  What are you noticing- feelings, thoughts in your mind, and sensations in your body?

Welcome–  Welcome the feelings, however uncomfortable.  Don’t waste energy trying to change them or outrun them or you’ll miss the opportunity to learn from them and to let them evolve!

Name–  Name the feelings;  put words to the thoughts and to the what you’re experiencing in your body.

Investigate–  Where’s this coming from?  Can you identify a trigger?

Tolerate–  The feelings won’t kill you!  Let them come like a wave-  grab your surfboard and ride it out, using the tools that you’ve picked up.  Breathe through it.  We know that feelings will change (they have to!), so give it a little time and see what fruits can come from staying with your feelings.

OWN IT-  and it won’t own you!

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The quality of life is in proportion always to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. Julia Cameron

Journal prompt:  What is getting in the way of you paying attention in your life?  What’s one thing that you can do to pay more attention today?

Permission Slips

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I’ve become a big believer in the power of a permission slip.  The idea that I decide what I will be permitted to do, and you decide what you will be permitted to do in your life, whether that’s permission to take care of yourself, permission to rest, permission to put up a boundary around a difficult or unsafe situation, etc.  The pic above is how I’m practicing what I preach today!

Journal prompt:  What do you need to give yourself permission for today?  Write it out, sign up, and put it up somewhere as a reminder!

Stepping Into the Arena!

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I’m so proud of these courageous folks who joined me on an unforgettable journey. Our Daring Way and Rising Strong group came to an end this week, but I know these brave folks are just getting started! Grateful, humbled, and inspired by our time together

If you want to be a part of the next group, I’d love to talk with you about it!

Upcoming Groups!

I’m excited to offer 3 upcoming groups-  2 for The Daring Way™ and 1 for Rising Strong™.   Space is limited to 8 group members, so signup today to secure your spot!

TDW Intensive 8-18TDW Group 9-18RS Group 9-18

Bookshelf Additions – Spring 2018

 

 

Women Food and God, Geneen Roth

A wonderful read, describing the intertwining, often complicated relationships that women have with food and God.

The Wisdom of Sundays, Oprah Winfrey

I plan to keep this book of bite-sized inspirational stories and conversations on my coffee table.

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy Schumer

I picked this one up just for fun, but I was surprised to find myself moved by her tenderness and poignant stories about her loved ones.  I’m a fan of her authenticity and courage.

Younger, Sara Gottfried, M.D.

I had many take-aways from this health-related book, included a renewed commitment to Yoga, green tea, nuts, and time in the sauna.  I’m also inspired to branch out to try oil pulling, bone broth, turmeric, kimchi & kimbucha, and collagen protein.

The Highly Sensitive Child, Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

I picked up this book with a particular child in mind, but my thoughts expanded to many more as I learned about this trait that impacts roughly 20% of the population.  Thought-provoking, and I want to learn more.  The Highly Sensitive Person is next on my reading list.

Bookshelf Additions – Winter 2017

 

The Little Book of Hygge, Meik Wiking

I recently heard of the concept of hygge- and my friend who is living in The Hague sent me this book that is subtitled “Danish Secrets to Happy Living.”  I love this concept (a special kind of coziness), especially this time of year when I tend to find myself in a bit of slump.  I’ve been relentlessly pursuing coziness this winter and it’s been just lovely.  I plan to pull this book back at the first sign of cold weather to get a jump start on hygge 2018 😊

Of Mess and Moxie, Wrangling Delight out of this Wild and Glorious Life, Jen Hatmaker

A wonderful book, especially for women- perhaps around my age.  It’s authentic and relatable, both comforting and inspirational.  And there’s a great recipe for Panang Curry (my favorite!)

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou

I had a client who recently read this book and I wanted to refresh myself so I could understand her references.  I must have read this years ago, before I was mature enough to “get” it—  a good read, I SO admire Maya Angelou and love to hear anything written or spoken by her.

The Mask of Masculinity, Lewis Howes

Lewis openly discusses several masks that he, and other males, tend to wear:  the Stoic mask, Athlete mask, Material mask, Sexual mask, Aggressive mask, Joker mask, Invincible mask, Know-it-all mask, and Alpha mask.   I like how in many ways this book parallels the work of Brené Brown and makes it accessible to some men who otherwise might not resonate with the message.

Becoming Myself, Irvin Yalom

Yalom has become a go-to for me whenever I find myself feeling overwhelmed or uninspired…and he has yet to disappoint.  Always thankful for his books that live on my shelves.

Bookshelf Additions- Fall 2017

The Gift of Failure, Jessica Lahey

“Every time we rescue, hover, or otherwise save our children from a challenge, we send a very clear message:  that we believe they are incompetent, incapable, and unworthy of our trust.  Further, we teach them to be dependent on us and thereby deny them the very education in competence we are put here on this earth to hand down.”

“What research has shown over and over again:  children whose parents don’t allow them to fail are less engaged, less enthusiastic about their education, less motivated, and ultimately less successful than children whose parents support their autonomy.”

“Out of love and desire to protect our children’s self-esteem, we have bulldozed every uncomfortable bump and obstacle out of the way, clearing the manicured path we hoped would lead to success and happiness. Unfortunately, in doing so we have deprived our children of the most important lessons of childhood. The setbacks, mistakes, miscalculations, and failures we have shoved out of our children’s way are the very experiences that teach them how to be resourceful, persistent, innovative and resilient citizens of this world.”

The Book of Joy, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama, with Doug Abrams

I LOVE this book.  And now I want to read everything I can get my hands on by and about Archbishop Desmond Tutu.  He spoke at my graduation from William & Mary in 2006, and my admiration of him keeps growing.

“Discovering more joy does not, I’m sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak.  In fact, we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily too.  Perhaps we are just more alive.  Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters.  We have hardship without becoming hard.  We have heartbreak without being broken.” DT

“…more research…suggests that perhaps only 50% of our happiness is determined by immutable factors like our genes or temperament, our ‘set point.’ The other half is determined by a combination of our circumstances, over which we may have limited control, and our attitudes and actions, over which we have a great deal of control…three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.” DA

“The goal is not just to create joy for ourselves, but to be a reservoir of joy, an oasis of peace, a pool of serenity that can ripple out to all those around you….so being more joyful is not just about having more fun.  We’re talking about a more empathic, more empowered, even more spiritual state of mind that is totally engaged with the world.”

“The English word courage comes from the French word coeur, or heart;  courage is indeed the triumph of our heart’s love and commitment over our mind’s reasonable murmurings to keep us safe.” DA

“We try so hard to separate joy and sorrow into their own boxes, but the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama tell us that they are inevitably fastened together.  Neither advocate the kind of fleeting happiness, often called hedonic happiness, that requires only positive states and banishes feelings like sadness to emotional exile.  The kind of happiness that they describe is often called eudemonic happiness and is characterized by self-understanding, meaning, growth, and acceptance, including life’s inevitable suffering, sadness, and grief.”

“We’ve always got to be recognizing that despite the aberrations, the fundamental thing about humanity, and humankind, about people, is that they are good, they were made good, and they really want to be good.”

“I say to people that I’m not an optimist, because that, In a  sense, is something that depends on feelings more than the actual reality.  We feel optimistic, or we feel pessimistic.  Now, hope is different in that it is based not on the ephemerality of feelings but on the firm ground of conviction.  I believe with a steadfast faith that there can never be a situation that is utterly, totally hopeless.  Hope is deeper and very, very close to unshakable.  It’s in the pit of your tummy.  It’s not in your head.” DT

“The only thing that will bring happiness is affection and warmheartedness.  This really brings inner strength and self-confidence, reduces fear, develops trust, and trust brings friendship.  We are social animals, and cooperation is necessary for our survival, but cooperation is entirely based on trust.  When there is trust, people are brought together- whole nations are brought together.  When you have a more compassionate mind and cultivate warmheartedness, the whole atmosphere around you becomes more positive and friendlier.  You see friends everywhere.” DT

Hallelujah Anyway, Anne Lamott

“Mercy means compassion, empathy, a heart for someone’s troubles. It’s not something you do – it is something in you, accessed, revealed, or cultivated through use, like a muscle. We find it in the most unlikely places, never where we first look.”

“Every one of us sometimes needs a tour guide to remind us how big and deep life is meant to be.”

“Kindness toward others and radical kindness to ourselves buy us a shot at a warm and generous heart, which is the greatest prize of all.”

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me, Mindy Kahling

This one was just for fun  😊